My 4 star life

I work at a four-star business hotel located in the financial center of our city. Our 280 “well-appointed” guestrooms (as our brochure calls them) cater to the business traveler, some of whom are China’s most wealthy and influential businessmen. The hotel has 5 restaurants which include a western buffet, a steakhouse with beef imported from Australia, a Japanese restaurant and 2 Chinese restaurants. There’s a swimming pool, gym, sauna center, tennis court, and other recreation activities.

It’s a classy place. Because I work there, I spend a large portion of my time there. I am the only foreign employee of the hotel, which has a staff of somewhere near 600. Also because I am the only foreigner, I have all kinds of privileges none of the other staff have. I can eat my meals in the hotel restaurants if I choose. I can use the recreation facilities. I could actually live at the hotel if I wanted. I don’t so instead they pay my rent.

A few of the job qualifications included being “under 30 and Western-looking.” Not to mention that I had to include a full length photo so the hotel could make sure I was physically attractive enough to stand around in their lobby. (Apparently, they are NOT an equal opportunity employer :)).

Western-looking. Even before I accepted this position and decided to come, I felt like an issue I had to work through for myself was if I was perpetuating “white privilege” or in this case “western privilege” by taking this job. I wasn’t sure at that point what the details of the disparity between myself and my coworkers would be. I knew I would be paid more and work less, but I also knew I can’t live in China for what a Chinese person makes. I also knew this job would enable me to live here and do other things that I want to do, like research and writing and such. I talked to a good friend who is knowledgeable on the white privilege issue and he agreed that it was a good opportunity and encouraged me with the fact that I would not be using my position to exploit or endanger others. So I thought I had worked through it and made the decision to come.

I’m still glad to be here and I still think it’s a good opportunity, but I am also confronted daily by the inequality. Everyday, I work an hour and a half less than my coworkers. I have more days off. I get paid more than one of my supervisors. I make almost 3 times what my Concierge staff friends make. I probably do less actual work. Why? Because I am “western-looking.”

When my contract is up in August, a world (literally) of options awaits me. I have options. Because English is my native language, I can find many jobs like this one in a number of countries. I could teach English or serve in some similar role as I am doing now. I can return to the States and find a job with relative ease because I have a college degree and some decent work experience. I can go to grad school. I don’t say any of these things to be prideful, but to point out that I have numerous options. At most points of decision in my life, I have actually been overwhelmed with options, not a lack thereof.

I remember a conversation I had with my supervisor at Catholic Charities who pointed out to me that the stress of having to choose between multiple options is a kind of stress, but wasn’t an issue until society became “developed” and a larger middle class formed. The stress of having no options is very different and was (and still is) experienced by the poor.

As I hang out and talk with my concierge friends, I’ve asked most of them if they like their job. Most of them do not. One of them said, “I don’t like it at all. But, my family’s economic situation is not good, so they couldn’t afford to send me a good school so that I could go to a good college. All I will able to do with my life is carry other people’s luggage.”

I haven’t talked to very many of the staff in any department who like their job. (Actually, the ones I can think of who do say they like their job are upper level managers). Most of them feel like it is their only option. A girl who works at the front desk told me just a few days ago that she doesn’t like working at the hotel but because her degree is in business English this is the only kind of job she can get without a master’s degree.

I don’t have any of the statistics on hand, but I read an article just the other day about the number of college graduates who can’t find work here. I was talking with a taxi driver a couple months back who was asking about my job. He said, “Our own university graduates can’t find jobs even if they’ve studied English well. If more of you native speakers start coming over and getting jobs, they’re going to be even more out of luck.” This was the first time I had been confronted with the reality that my being here in some ways does actually negatively affect others. I try to justify it by saying that my job actually requested a foreigner so I’m not taking their job, but the principle of foreigners coming to take jobs does impact the locals who are competing heavily for a small number of available jobs.

Another truth I have had to face is that I am indeed wealthy. Not by any US standard of course…I don’t own a home in the suburbs or a vehicle of any kind. I don’t have any sort of investments or a huge savings account. By the standard of wealth based on material consumption in my home country, I am not wealthy. Here, I am. I have options. As I said, I make about 3 times what an average worker here makes. I don’t ever worry where my next meal comes from and I have some expendable income each month. I live in a much-more-than-adequate shelter with running hot water, heat, electricity, and many other amenities. I am indeed the “Rich American” regardless of my negative feelings about this stereotype.

One of my first weeks here one the concierge staff told me I live their dream life. Because I have options, I can choose my career, I’ve traveled abroad, and I am not stuck in a job I don’t enjoy. I live a dream life.

Multiple times that I’ve had friends over and they look through my photo albums they’ve said, “These pictures don’t even look like real photographs to me. They look just like the movies.” Or “these look like postcards because they don’t even seem like real life to me.” I’m never sure how to respond because the photos are actual photos from my actual life. My real life is a romance movie most of my coworkers only dream about.

I don’t really know what to do with any of this. It humbles me. It brings me to an awareness of my pride in the sense that I am undeserving and did nothing to “earn” the life I was given. It gives rise to a spirit of gratitude for the next time I’m in the “what’s next” decision process instead of the usual fear, struggle, and frustration. It spurs me to be more generous. It strips away complaint. It makes me truly thankful for His provision for me. It compels me to live fully, embracing and enjoying my four star life.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

These are some pics from our feast! We were actually able to get all of the traditional stuff...we got some turkey from the hotel, one of the guys made home-made rolls (this invovled grinding the wheat himself!), and the girls made all the traditional sides and desserts.
We all had a wonderful day together eating, watching a movie, laughing, eating, watching another movie, more laughing and just hanging out. One tradition we have is to add a leaf to the Thanksgiving tree in order to record our thankfulness. I had almost forgotten about this since I had celebrated the past two Thanskgivings at home. It was a good reminder of even more blessings to read what I had written in 2003 and to read what others were thankful for.

highlights from my trip home--wedding

I am so blessed by Dara and Ryan and their friendship to me and I am thankful I got to be a part of the big day. It all went so well. The dress fit, the ceremony was perfect, the reception was fun, and I got to catch up with a lot of old friends throughout the course of the week with showers and other activities. It was great!

highlights from my trip home--Lydia

Just before I left for China in August my friends AJ and Derek left for Kazakstan to meet and bring home their new daughter. I followed their mostly terrible journey through their blogs and emails. I hurt for them that the girl they had been praying for more than two years might not get to come home with them. When I got word that the courts had finally granted custody, I rejoiced with them. But, when I walked into their house that Friday afternoon and saw her beautiful healthy self smiling and playing on the floor, all the emotion that just didn't quite make it out when I was so far away came out. I cried for joy that she is here and has such great parents, and I cried for AJ and Derek hearing first hand and in more detail of their struggle. I left completely challenged and encouraged by their faith having heard the thigs they learned as a result of their struggle. My time with AJ was one of the best conversations I had during my time home.

rejoice with me...

....for I have found my lost bike!!!
Yesterday I just decided to look around more in case someone moved it. I was sure it was gone for good, but just didn't want to give up yet. I found it around the corner near stairwell #5. I was one very happy girl.

highlights from my trip home--other events

I got to go to the baby shower for a friend I have known since 7th grade and I got to see my college roommate in The Magic Flute at OU. These are two things I (obviously) would have missed if I hadn't gotten to come home and I was so glad to get to attend both events.

highlights from my trip home--fall

I still love summer the best, but it was nice to be home in autumn. I enjoyed carving pumpkins with the Fusion folks and named by pumpkin "da nan gua." I went running at Little River Park by my house and the leaves would be falling off the trees on to the track as I ran. It was great. While I was in Wichita Sarah and I took this pic of these great trees that were so beautiful. Maybe the best part of being home in the fall though, was the special edition, limited time only, pumpkin pie frozen custard from Rustys. I had it more than once. (thanks Ashley and Colin for the reccommendation and Chad and Aubs for treating me)

highlights from my trip home--FOOD

I had only been out of the states for about 2 months, so I wasn't missing anything too bad yet, but that didn't make me appreciate the goodness any less. I enjoyed the home cooked meals (mom's tuna casserole and Lauren's spaghetti squash), the Indian taco, soup in a bread bowl, chips and queso on C-group taco night, snacking on whole wheat crackers with hummus, and believe it or not...I ate an entire chicken fried steak platter and enjoyed it. I thought my body might go into shock with that much meat consumption.
More than the food though, I had such great conversation with friends over meals. Thanks to eveyone who made the time to hang out, who treated me or let me treat them.

highlights from my trip home--San Francisco

I spent 3 days in the Bay area hanging out with some dear friends who are studying there now. It was so refreshing to be around these folks who know me so well and just to talk and laugh and catch up. These folks used to live here, so they all had great questions and it's always great to share about life here with people who know exactly what you're talking about. I also enjoyed seeing their new life and hearing about all that they are learning and experiencing.
JNS scored us some free box seats to a tennis benefit event. One of the things on my wish-list of things to do while home was to see a spoting event, and that was checked off on day two. It was cold, but well worth it to see 10 or so ex-pros and the current NCAA champs.

Someone be sure to tell Rod Phillips...

it REALLY was locked up well this time! Two locks even!

blue GBJNK with a white basket....I'll miss you

Today I had a good day at work followed by a decent workout. I was making my way home after a stop at the computer store, hardware store and vegetable market. I was walking up to my door with my bags of vegetables in hand, getting excited about my friend coming over to make and eat eggplant parmesan together. Then I noticed it...or I guess didn't notice it is more appropriate. It wasn't by the door. It wasn't inside the stairwell. I walked back to the gate guard's house and asked about it. I looked in the shed. It was indeed gone. Bike Number Three joins the ranks of bikes I've had stolen in my time here. Maybe it was gone this morning, but I had already planned to take the bus so I didn't notice. Now I guess I'll be taking the bus for awhile. so frustrating....
Oh, and after dinner my washing machine flooded my bathroom. But, the washing and spinning was (mostly) finished so at least the clothes were clean and not dripping with water.
I really do have a lot of positives things to write about too. In the next few days hopefully it will happen.

jet lag, anxiety, the new pillows, or old age?

The past 4 or 5 days I'ven been waking up between 4:00 and 4:45 am and not being able to go back to sleep. What's the deal??? It doesn't normally take me this long to get over jet lag. I've haven't been super stressed out, but there's been a lot for me to think about and I must say that during these episodes of insomnia, my mind is reeling. I bought new pillows yesterday but it didn't help the situation this morning. On Monday at work one of my coworkers was saying she didn't sleep well the night before and I told her I hadn't either. She told me we were both getting old because only old people can't sleep at night.

I still really want to post about my time at home so I hope to find the time to do that in the coming days. I'll get on that soon.

OKC to Blue City, 10.30.06-11.01.06

All I wanted was to be home. I had been away for more than two weeks and was ready, with proper visa in hand, to get back into life here as quickly as possible. I wasn’t feeling as settled as I wanted to before I left for the US, so I wanted to get back and get through the adjustment phase as soon as possible.

I didn’t have the ticket for the last leg of my travel from Beijing to the Blue City because Air China said they couldn’t issue an e-ticket and there wasn’t time for them to mail me a paper ticket to the US before I left. There are multiple flights a day so I didn’t think getting it when I arrived would be a problem. I was scheduled to arrive in BJ in the afternoon and I hoped to get on an evening flight to the Blue City.

The first delay came in Chicago. I got off the plane from OKC and scrolled down the departures screen for Beijing…no gate assigned and blinking words DELAYED. I would be starting my overseas journey 4 hours late already.
Other than being late, the flight wasn’t bad. I got in some good reading and our in-flight entertainment included a Josh Lucas flick.

We arrived in BJ about 4 hours late. It’s now almost 8 pm so I’m a little worried now that there won’t be any seats. After picking up my luggage (a cart full of it this trip) and going through customs I make my way to the Air China Counter. They sent me to a different Air China counter. This counter told me there weren’t any seats available but that I could get on the stand-by list. I ask where to go to get on the standby list and the Air China lady directs me to check-in counter F. I wait in line at counter F where the worker there tells me it’s not the right line. I go where she tells me. I wait in line again. I get to the front only to be told I can’t fly standby if I have luggage. That would have been nice to know 3 counters and lines ago.

I push my cart of luggage to Hainan Airlines to see if they might possibly have any flights that for whatever reason didn’t show up on the Air China computers. They have a flight at 9:30 pm the next day. I go back to Air China to ask again if there are ANY other options…that’s a negative. The first flight available is 9:30 pm the next day.
At this point, I just won’t accept the fact that I am going to have to spend a night in Beijing. I called some friends here to see if they had any suggestions, but they reasoned with me that staying the night is the only option.

I’m still not ready to settle. I go to the travel help desk to ask if there are train tickets for the overnight train. This would have gotten me there by the next morning, which meant I wouldn’t have had to miss an extra day of work, but I’m not sure how I expected to get myself and more than my body weight of 3 pieces of luggage through the train station, on the train and then off again. I asked anyway…no tickets. Not from any of the train stations…no hard seats, no soft seats, no sleepers…nothing.

I know now I’m going to have to stay the night and not be able to get home for at least another 24 hours. I sit down on a bench across from a Westerner wearing full Buddhist monk attire. I just needed a break from lines and counters before I braved the hotel reservation center. I call one of my friends from the basketball team who lives in BJ to see if she wants to hang out tomorrow during my unplanned stay. She invites me to just come to her house and stay. I normally wouldn’t have imposed on her and her family, but I think we’re good enough friends that it’s ok and I was almost at a cultural breaking point. The plan is for me to call her when I get a taxi and she will give the driver directions to her house.

I make my last trip to Air China and grudgingly purchase my tickets for the next day. I get in the long line of smoking Chinese men to wait for a taxi. I am so thankful for my friend’s graciousness, but still just want to be home.

When my taxi pulls up, we load my stuff and get in and call my friend. He doesn’t know where her house is based on her description, and I’ve never been there so I’m no help to him. We’ve already loaded all my luggage, so I’m unwilling to get out and wait in line again for another driver. My friend has her mom call my phone so that she can give him better directions. This at least gets him started, but he is frustrated and angry with me that I don’t know where I'm going and keeps grumbling under his breath. “Your friend doesn’t live in the city. I know everywhere in the city, but I’ve never been to that suburb before.” “Another driver may have been better to take you to this place.” “Why don’t you know the way to her house?” “If I drive all the way out there, I’m not going to be able to find anyone to ride back so I’m going to lose money.” “Why didn’t your friends just come to the airport to pick you up?”

I listened to his complaining for awhile. I finally decided to verbally answer him. When I started speaking the sentence out loud, I felt my chin quivering with the first few words but by the end of the sentence my words were a full-on blubbering, sobbing mess. “Because I didn’t even know I would be staying here tonight. I don’t want to. I want to go home. But there aren’t any flights or trains so I have no way to get home so my only option is to stay at my friend’s house, ok?”

I have never in my life intentionally used tears as a form of manipulation to get my way, and this time also was unintentional, but in this case it did evoke a shift of attitude from my taxi driver.

“Please stop crying. I’m so sorry. Don’t worry. Please stop crying. I promise I will get you to your friend’s house safely. I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’ve just never been to that suburb before, but if we can’t find it, we’ll just call your friend again. I promise I will get you there safely. Please stop crying.” I didn’t really fully stop crying the whole drive but at least I was a little more under control than at first. At this point I was sort of half crying, half laughing that I just had a breakdown in a taxi over such a small thing. But it happens and you have to take them as they come. So, I just let the tears and sniffles flow for the half hour drive. He would just look over and say, “I promise we’ll get there.” We did indeed get there safely. My friend met us at the gate of the complex and I jumped out of the taxi and hugged her and told her how happy I was to see her face.

We had a great time together and her family was so gracious to me. We stayed up late talking and catching up and then slept in the next day…well, she did. I watched China versus Azerbaijan women’s volleyball on TV. We went to a market the next morning and then had Beijing Duck for lunch. We had great conversation over lunch and then just relaxed and watched TV the whole afternoon. No visit to any Chinese person’s home is complete without dumplings, which we had for dinner before they took me back to the airport that evening to catch my plane.

I arrived in the Blue City about 10:30 and couldn’t have been happier to look through the glass wall across from the baggage carousel to see that a wonderful friend was there to pick me. She helped me into the taxi, to my house, carried my stuff up the stairs and into my apartment. Ahhh, finally. The heat came on while I was gone and it was nice and toasty and just as I remembered. It felt so good to be home at last.