parenting

Of course, one of the hardest parts of transitioning back to life in China is not only that I am no longer single, but that I also have a child.  It is also one of the areas of life while I feel the greatest cultural gap.  Here are some examples of how parenting differs.

China loves fat babies.  A common way to say a baby is “cute” is to say that he/she is “bai bai pang pang” (white and fat).  Fat is not a word that can be used to describe Catherine so everyday older ladies tell me things like…”you should have breastfed her longer, she’s too thin.”  Or “don’t you feed her enough?  You need to make her eat more.”  Or something else similar.

I could probably count the days on one hand that someone DIDN’T tell me that she needs more clothes on.  It’s true that the climate is colder here.  People (especially old and young) wear at least two layers, even in the summer.  But even on a nice day, the general expectation is for babies to be wearing multiple layers of thick clothing.   An interesting recent addition (for me) to this topic was a visit last week to my friend Abby’s house, who has a daughter just 11 days younger than Catherine. (pictures on facebook)  She was so surprised that we had never shaved Catherine’s head (another common cultural difference…most babies/toddlers have shaved heads).  I just said that we don’t have this custom.  Then she asked me,  “But doesn’t Catherine get sweaty?  That’s why we shave her head, because she gets so sweaty.”  I didn’t say it, but I was obviously thinking….Maybe she is sweating because she’s wearing four layers of quilted clothing when it’s 65 degrees outside!

Here are some of the most interesting (and to us, funny) pieces of parenting advice we’ve received:

o   “If you stop kissing her on the mouth, she will stop drooling.” - lady at the police station who was very concerned about the amount of Catherine’s drool: 

o   “If your daughter is this naughty, then your second child will surely be a son.”  -Jill’s Chinese teacher from 10 years ago who is now James’ language teacher

o   “If she has this much energy, that’s a skill that needs a special kind of training.  The energy just needs redirected into training for the Olympics.”  -same teacher as above

o   “If she takes her shoes off all the time, it’s because her shoes are too small.”  -taxi driver, while Catherine was taking off a pair of shoes too BIG for her. 

o   “Your mother is crazy and has lost her way in the world (rough translation)” –from a construction worker lady in our complex to Catherine, offering her commentary about us having a second child when Catherine is 18 months old. 

o   “In China, only the women do that.  We men can’t handle the smell.”  -our bus driver from our recent trip to the desert, to James, while James was in process of changing one terribly dirty, smelly diaper.  The bus driver then went on to open all the windows he could J

We have had two grandmother age people watch Catherine for us while we went out.  One of the hardest things for them to accept is that Catherine doesn’t always drink hot drinks.  They think we’re crazy if we give her some juice from the fridge or water that isn’t hot. 

They (the grandmothers at least, I’m not sure about folks our age) also think it’s crazy that Catherine sleeps in her own bed, in her own room, and that we don’t hold her until she falls asleep.  This situation is also why Catherine’s afternoon nap was only about 40 minutes long yesterday instead of the normal 2+ hours.  I think the grandma’s just really can’t handle leaving her in there!