Shrugging My Shoulders: the birth of Abigail Joy: long version by Jill

alternatively titled: Midwives do it better!

There we were in Chengdu. My mother-in-law had arrived and we felt settled enough in our temporary home that we felt like we had everything in place for the baby to come at any time. The other girls were both roughly a week before their due date so we were expecting about the same. Then came Catherine's birthday on August 13. (Catherine and Abigail had the same due date. I didn't care when the baby came, as long as it wasn't on Catherine's birthday so that they could each have a special day). Now that Catherine's birthday had passed, we REALLY felt ready for her to come whenever she was ready. I had multiple nights of having regular, steady contractions through the night but as soon as morning would come, all labor progress would stop. The night of August 19 they were regular and steady enough that we called our doula somewhere between 4 and 5. She came even though by the time she arrived the contractions had already slowed a bit. We called the doctor and he suggested we come to the hospital. By the time we got there (maybe around 7) the contractions had mostly stopped. After a check and some discussion, we decided we would wait at the hospital since we knew a) labor should be starting soon and b) our payment package at the hospital included 4 days and we did not plan to stay that long after the birth so it made economic sense to use them before instead of wasting them. (no refunds on unused portions of package).

James and I had a relaxing day hanging out in our nice suite-like room, which the hospital calls the "home birth room." (NOT LIKE A HOME BIRTH!!!!! more on that later). We watched some movies, chatted without being interrupted by our girls,took some naps, and just enjoyed each other's company. We did not, however, have a baby. I didn't even have any kind of regular contractions.

Hanging out waiting for a baby

After a full day at the hospital and another consultation with our doctor, we decided to stay overnight. Most of my contractions had been at night so we thought labor might start again overnight. It didn't. When morning came, we decided if nothing was happening we should get back to our girls and perhaps being back at home and not having the pressure/stress of being in the hospital would get things moving again. We went home the morning of the 20th, but the doctor we requested we come back to the hospital after dinner to stay the night again.

Throughout the day (August 20th) no steady contractions. Evening came and still nothing significant enough to merit another trip to the hospital. We went to sleep.

Above is a screenshot of our contraction timer. Two contractions around 11 pm, those next few between 12 and 1, then BAM! that one at 1:12? That's when I knew we needed to go. We called our doula, called the doctor, grabbed our things, and made our way across town. (about a 20 minute taxi ride). Abigail was born at 2:25 am. When James said she was born in a whirlwind, that's what he meant. It happened SO fast it was pretty crazy for all of us. Here's what happened between 1:12 and 2:25.

After making the calls we had to walk to the gate of our complex and get a taxi, which was thankfully very easy. I had three serious, heavy contractions in the taxi and moaned like I didn't care who heard me. At the last stoplight before the hospital the driver says, "You guys have good Chinese. Where are you from?" He did not seem phased that I was in labor or making crazy sounds in the back of his car.

When we got to the hospital the doctor was waiting for us and our doula arrived within just a few minutes. When we got to the room I was feeling light-headed so I got on the bed to get some oxygen, thinking we would still have a few hours. I was trying to make myself comfortable between contractions and James and Maria (our doula) were so helpful. The doctor did not want me in the position I was in and I could hear him occasionally give me instructions but I was basically tuning him out. At one point I heard Maria tell him, "She can't hear you when she's having a contraction...why don't you wait until it's over to tell her something!" I know there were other nurses and staff but I was never sure how many or who they were.

I was expecting that we would have a few hours of labor but after just a few contractions (relatively few) I was ready to push and our baby girl was born. James says she arrived so quickly that no one caught her! The pads underneath me kept her from falling until our doula and the doctor got her!

Why did I not take out the oxygen tubes for the first photo with my new daughter???????

Abigail Joy Judd born August 21st at 2:25 am
49 cm and 2.98 kg

They placed her on me for a few moments of relative peace and enjoyment until things got crazier. James went with the baby to the other part of the room for weighing, measuring, and then went with her upstairs for other checks and while he was there the doctor wanted to do something I didn't think was necessary so he was yelling at me and I was crying. James came back and scolded him for yelling. There were still what seemed like so many people milling about.

Our other two girls were born at home. We were able to control who was there and were given freedom to make decisions about what to do and what not to do. We were given as much time as we wanted with the girls after delivery and nothing was ever rushed. At the hospital it seemed like everything was in a hurry and there were so many people and so much movement!

We knew giving birth in a hospital would be different. We knew giving birth in a Chinese hospital would have even more challenges. I still feel like we made the best decision we could have with the options we had and I'm thankful she is healthy. However, James said if we have another baby, we are having another homebirth!

Also, in our doctor's defense, he did ask us to come back after dinner and we didn't. I'm sure he felt like we were being non-compliant and that we made things rushed by not being there sooner. But truly NOTHING was happening in the labor department until after midnight and we had no idea she would arrive THAT quickly. Also, after the delivery, the doctor returned to his calm, friendly demeanor and even mopped the floor himself!

After the delivery, the staff were truly quite helpful and accommodating to us. We stayed the day and night of the 21st and went home on the 22nd.

We spent most of the day getting to know her and falling in love with her.

We had some name ideas, but James especially likes to meet the child before we settle and decide. With the other girls this happened fairly quickly, but with Abigail she was so sleepy we felt like we hadn't gotten enough interaction with her to know which name was fitting until later in the day.